In a world that is constantly fed Bollywood masala, Hollywood action and romcoms and too much of Arijit Singh lately (not that we are complaining about this one), Hook-ups are not a rarity anymore. Someone is going around with so-and-so and everyone is chill about it, even parents. Welcome to the 21st century, smells like a little freedom in here!
But all this does not keep the heart from breaking into a million tiny, uneven pieces (try putting them back together, you’ll know how uneven things are). If only these things were crash-proof! No one tells you how a break-up really feels like because society, as a whole, tags you a Devdas and that is something tough to shrug off later. Best friends know a lot of stuff but there are things that we tend to keep to ourselves and let time heal.
Here are a few things no one tells you about that hurting, harsh time:
1. The Intensity Of Hurt
Of all the similes and metaphors you learned in English class, this is the time when all knowledge vanishes. You just cannot find the right words to describe how bad it feels. You try, though.
Someone tore my heart off of me and hammered it to a pulp. [GROSS] I can’t breathe, I don’t have a reason to live anymore. [SUICIDAL] I’m broken. I can barely function. [DEPENDENT] I really thought she was the One. [Devdas ALERT] …
And the list continues, because nothing ever gets close to describing the hurt you are feeling.
2. Emotional Eating/Starvation is a thing
Believe it or not, your mood has a direct effect on your basic body functioning. From insomnia to sleeping for days, from a 5-course meal every 2 hours to an apple a day, from dressing up to feel good about wearing the same pajamas two weeks straight, from downing whiskey like a fish to not having a single glass of water all day… Sorry about the mental images but these extremes hold true. Not only your heart goes bonkers but so does your life and routine. It’s tough to carry on like usual when everything is different, all of a sudden.
3. There is a hawaa aane de phase
Yes, there does come a ‘chill out’ phase while all this is still going on. You put on a mask and make-believe that the relationship is now history. You don’t need a girl/guy to define who you are. When people come and ask you about anything, you are the most gyani around, been there done that sorts. You give a vibe of being that carefree person you were before all that happened and don’t give two hoots about anyone or anything. A classic ‘jaane de, jaane de… thodi hawaa aane de’.
Deep down you know that’s not true. Pretending sucks but this is all you have, for now.
Your brain is basically out of order, you know this, and the people around you have seen enough of your mood fluctuations to guess things by now. What else is an insomniac supposed to do at night- Over-think scenarios and analyze. We refer to this one as the ‘who said what to whom and why’ phase. It is tiring AF. Not only is your body taking a toll but also your mind. You make up reactions to nonexistent situations or the ones you think may happen in the near future. Like, if you meet her, what are you going to behave like. This is a bizarre phase to be in.
5. Kya se kya ho gaya… bewafaa… tere pyaar mein
Music is your sole companion. You have a playlist of go-to numbers that are on forever repeat. Your system feeds off of Eminem’s Lose Yourself. It keeps you going because things are as worse as they can get and music is a solace. It’s like a hug from a stranger you don’t have to confide in. It’s kinda comforting. Every time the lyrics make sense, you practically scream or whisper (whatever way you prefer) ‘you so get me’.
6. The reign of the Angry Young Man/Woman
And now we are back to that…
I hate her! She ruined my life!
What the hell does he think of himself? How come I never saw this side of him!
Anger rules your life at the moment. Nothing makes sense and the only answer you have to everything is a string of hurtful words hurled at your (now) Ex. You swear that you won’t ever data again. It’s just you for yourself.
But then, the boys take you out on a night out and you get a little high and ask out that sweet waitress at the bar. You are still in eh mood but you want to give this a try. After all, XYZ ain’t coming back. It’s been almost 2 months.
And before you even know it, Daddy’s back in the game!
7. The Band-aid
You have a new person in your life. It’s exciting. Things are going slow and despite all the crazy attempts by your friends to speed things up, you take it slow. You like her and don’t want this to be a rebound relationship.
All this while, your heart is still healing. You can’t keep hating someone all your life. Somewhere deep inside, you forgive them and you forgive yourself for the bitter past and turn the page. This new person is helping you make life beautiful again.
Quoting John Green, “At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it’s over and you’re relieved.”